You walk into a room. People see you, but they don’t rush over to talk to you. In fact, they hardly notice much else besides the fact that you entered the room. Within seconds, they’ve forgotten about you, and you blend into the ho-hum mediocrity of the others who surround you. Why? You’re not exuding charisma. If you want to be more likable, a people-magnet, you need to improve your charisma. And it’s actually something you can do if you give it a little effort.
What is Charisma?
A quick Google definition search yields this as the top answer: [charisma is] “compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others.”
Mmmm, just that definition is enough to demonstrate the effect charisma can have on others. See, charisma goes a long way. It’s a fullness to your personality that mysteriously attracts others to you. Not in the romantic way, though that’s a by-product as well, but in the way that people simply want to be around you. They want to talk to you. They want to share moments with you. They want to call you their friend. That’s charisma.
Can Charisma Be Learned?
Oh, yes. Yes it can be.
Most people make the mistake of believing that charisma is a born trait. Although some people were blessed with this magnetic quality, that does not mean others have not been able to learn it along the way. Charisma can be learned if you’re willing to give it a try. Don’t believe me? Well, what if I told you the late and great Prince had to learn his charisma? You’d call me crazy? That’s fine, but at least I’m charismatic.
Prince was so uncharismatic at the beginning of his career that his label didn’t allow him to go on tour. He was an incredible musician (did you know he played all 27 instruments on his debut album?), but his performances were incredibly lack-luster. You might find that hard to believe because he is now revered as one of the most impactful performers to grace the pop music industry.
That’s because Prince learned the craft of charisma.
And guess what? You can too.
How Do I Improve My Charisma?
Oh, I’m so glad you asked! I didn’t set you up for this at all! Totally unexpected question!
Let’s get into the thick of it, shall we?
4 Ways To Improve Your Charisma
If you’re ready to manifest more meaningful relationships and create a lasting impression, there are some tweaks to your communication skills that will come in handy. Of course, your adaptation of charisma in your everyday life might translate differently than the way Prince applied the trait to his music performances. That’s OK. We can’t all be pop stars. But we can all be a little more likable. Just take these tips and apply them where they make sense in your life, and you’ll reap all the rewards of being a total people-magnet. If people start following you around, don’t blame it on me! Stalking is a form of flattery, alright? Just let it happen.
Being more likable stems a lot from the way you make other people feel about themselves. Much like these tips for being a better networker, being a great listener is crucial to establishing authentic relationships, no matter whom you’re connecting with. The best way to do this and improve your charisma is to ensure you’re giving people all of you. Not the one half of you, while the other half is glaring at a phone screen.
Put your devices away–put them on vibrate, even–to grant your full attention to the people in the tangible moment. Your News Feed will be there when you are alone on the couch later that night.
Time and time again, we’re told that confidence is key. Although it’s a redundant aphorism, it is just that–an aphorism, a statement of truth (there’s a vocab word for ya, ya smarties!). Though, it must be noted that there is a fine line between confidence and ego. Confidence is silent strength. It doesn’t need to be boastful. Ego must be vocalized, because it’s fake confidence flaring, trying to grab the attention of anyone who will buy into it.
Be confident. Be humble. People are attracted to strong, confident figures because they are the types of people to look up to. And the only people attracted to pompous egotistical individuals are those who share the same traits–aka people you don’t want to be around anyway.
Dictate Your Attitude
Much of what we put out into the world is determined by the emotions and passions that come from within our souls. If your outlook is dismally negative, you’ll put out negative energy. However, if you choose positivity, you will radiate “~go0d vib3s~,”as the girls at Coachella will write on their Instagram captions. In all seriousness, though, it’s about choosing your attitude.
You might not be in a great mood, but no one is ALL of the time. You have to be cognizant enough of those emotions to wrangle them and turn them into positive ones. When you choose your attitude, you choose the way people perceive you. Be a wine-glass-not-empty kinda gal.
Add to Conversations
There is much more to being present than simply standing there. You need to show others that you add value to a situation or group. One way to demonstrate your value is to work on your storytelling skills. People love a great story.
Even if you’re one of those people who seems to never reach the finale, that doesn’t mean you can’t edit out the unnecessary details with a little practice. When I’m telling a story (usually with a dry-ass punchline tacked onto the end), I can quickly determine when I’m losing my audience simply by looking at their eyes and facial expressions. Pay attention to social cues and only tell pertinent details–think of storytelling like a children’s book: use concise words and establish a clear beginning, middle, and end. Even if you’re not a master storyteller, you can jump into a conversation with a simple anecdote that relates to the topic at hand. It’s all about showing people you are relatable.
So, are you ready to improve your charisma? Which area do you need to work on a little bit? I’ve been working on my self-confidence my whole life–shyness is my weakness!